The most interesting part of the gift, though, were the two issues of the local Cheyenne newspaper from two dates in November. This newspaper is not known for its brilliant reporting (or its attention to spelling and grammar), but the most shocking thing about it was the headlining story in the 'To do' section on one of those days: "How to purchase your child his first gun".
Now I know that some of you (or at least CBAM) are major gun enthusiasts, so I thought you might benefit from this important information. Or at least you can investigate a new graduate student hobby!
So here are the steps they suggest:
1. "Take your child to the store to have the gun fitted." Apparently the shooting instructor for the Wyoming 4-H they interviewed said that this was not what parents like to hear with Christmas coming up, but you should definitely make sure the gun is the proper size and fit. Oddly, these are the same rules for buying hiking boots.
2. "If possible, start with an air rifle." (You'll shoot your eye out!)
3. "When buying a rifle with a scope make sure the child doesn't have to raise their head to look through the scope." I don't think any commentary is needed on this point.
4. "Check out youth models. Many of the major gun manufacturers carry models with shorter stocks, so you don't have to worry about cutting down grandad's old gun." Ummm... yikes!
5. "For shotguns, fit is everything." In this point, we also find out that "shotgunning is opposite of using a rifle." I didn't even know "shotgunning" was a word!
6. "Watch the recoil on shotguns (the same holds true for rifles). While semi-automatic shotguns may be heavier, they also have less recoil." Our 4-H expert says that "gas powered semi-automatic shotguns will have the least recoil. They may be a little more expensive, but they will help keep your child from being beat up by the stock of the gun." Ok now, maybe it's just me, but do you really want to buy your child a Christmas present that has the potential to "beat them up" and also the potential to kill everyone around?
7. "For beginning rifle shooters, don't go above a 22." What sort of gun did you use on your first time out CBAM?
8. "Get involved in a club." This one might be a little trickier if you're not near a 4-H club, but my guess is that if you ask the guys at the Highland Park gun shop, they may be able to help you out...
Now in all fairness, sometimes you may need a large gun to keep those baaaaars away (see the Stephen Colbert Christmas special for an important example).
One does wonder, though, whether Dick Cheney's parents followed these important rules when buying his first gun. Or maybe he got kicked out of 4-H when he started shooting people in the face (A.'s comment: "What you think this lawyer was the first person he shot in the face? I'm not convinced it was").
9 comments:
What's with the rifles vs. shotguns? What I want to know is why the child can't have a handgun. See my new photo.
Glad to see you back to blogging, DSF!
Child plus Gun=Awesome.
??
Er, I thought we were supposed to be keeping guns away from children?
I fired an assault rifle my first time out. I can't remember what it was called, but I am pretty sure it was Russian.
You do have to be careful with the recoil. You can seriously bruise yourself.
And for the record, I am hardly a gun enthusiast. But it is a great way to relieve stress. And while I do know several gun enthusiasts, they are all super concerned about safety when they take people (including teenagers) out. I think there is a big difference between people who take shooting seriously, and take the time and precautions necessary when using rifles and shotguns, and the dilettantes.
You all have lost all respect for me, haven't you.
Was it a Kalashnikov? Apparently the Red Army were very successful with them during their grand tour of Eastern Europe during WWII. I also learned on wikipedia that the Nazis invented "the assault rifle concept." Good company, eh?
They make little pink .22's in pink for girls! Talk about a stocking stuffer!
And by the way... when did Wiki become a legit source?!
Enjoy your dried meat parts!
My greek friend says I am shooting a Colt M4.
I was thinking in the middle of the night last night, CBAM, that if your awkward male students knew that you could shoot assault rifles, you would become their dream girl à la Sarah Palin. Except you're prettier and talk smarter. And are not crazy.
Strangely, when I bring the sex, the male students are not the awkward ones. It's the shy little Xian girls that turn bright red when I ask them if they define sex as only penis in vagina. But everyone loved my rip on homosexual public school boys and exploration of Keynes' secret sex diaries. And of course the Mitfords! Everyone loves Unity!
I've got to start reading the Mitfords. I feel so left out!
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